Have you ever felt that your cash flow could be better? Worry that people won’t pay for your services? Freak out when you know you have to talk about what you charge?
I remember when I first had to explain the cost of advice to my clients, back in 2000. It was non-negotiable as part of my previous work as a Financial Advisor so basically I was forced into it! Despite that there was still a massive part of me that was scared that all my hard work at building the relationship and helping my clients with their needs, would be in vain and they would be running out the door as soon as a mentioned charges.
Did I really think that people came to see me expecting everything for free?
Do you think your potential clients speak to you expecting to get your time and expertise for free?
Logically I knew this wasn’t true.
But logic doesn’t always win out…….
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE SCARED OF TALKING ABOUT MONEY?
What happened for me is that I would play it down, literally, by speaking quietly, nervously in a kind a “wouldn’t you mind………..I’m ever so sorry but….” kinda way. (Sound familiar?)
Or I’d find canny ways of showing them how much extra I was doing for them, and how much service they would be getting from me in the future. (Flinging in all the freebies and extras I could think of, without knowing if I’d have time to fulfill them)
And what happens when you do this is that you betray your own very worth by behaving in this apologetic way.
People lose confidence in you.
You gain fewer clients.
You make less money.
You lose confidence in your super wisdom.
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MONEY WITH CONFIDENCE
Now before you go about beating yourself up for being so mean to yourself, realise that this action was coming from a place of love and protection.
Dr Evian Gordon, a leading neuro-scientist, took a look at all the research that had been done in studying our brains and found that in overall terms our brains principal functions are to:
Our brains categorise what’s happening in the world around us as things that will either
Hurt us or help us stay alive
Safe or dangerous
Friend or foe
Back when we were cave men it was much better for our brains to err on the side of dangerous and assume that noise in the bushes was the wild animal about to makes us his dinner…….and that kind of thinking in our brains persists now.
WE THINK DANGER AUTOMATICALLY MOST OF THE TIME.
So when we relate this to talking about money we are actually trying to protect ourselves from the danger that we perceive ahead.
When we protect ourselves from danger we make up stories in our mind as to why our potential clients might reject our services, so that we can either make a pre-emptive strike or not feel so bad if they do.
THE GOOD THING IS OUR BRAINS OTHER FUNCTION IS TO MAXIMISE REWARD.
BUT we have to work harder to switch on our maximising reward pathways. It’s harder for our brains to recognise safety and stay in that zone so we have to consciously help it out. (it’s thinking about that tiger about it eat us again!)This is not about la-la positivity but about checking in with and challenging your negative thoughts. Check back at last week’s blog if you want more info on how our brain is a series of pathways and how we create new ones.
You then create NEW thoughts that are more realistic and appropriate.
Which allow you to make better decisions.
[bctt tweet=”When we create new insights we start to feel better about ourselves as dopamine (the happy hormone) is released”]
HOW TO BE SUPER COOL THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE TO TALK MONEY
You know you are going to a networking meeting and the subject of what you charge may come up.
Firstly recognise that you are never going to be free from a feeling of danger/fear completely. (that’s part of the job of your brain remember, trying not to get you eaten!)
But if we want to turn on the what helps us stay alive, the reward part of our brains we firstly need to take a look at our danger points because
DANGER THINKING = DANGEROUS BUSINESSES RESULTS
So it’s time to tune in to that little voice inside your head. What is it saying to get in your way of owning your wisdom and standing confident in your business?
List all the ways that little voice IS GETTING IN YOUR WAY.
Choose yourself one statement that your little voice is saying to you.
And ask yourself this question.
What do I get out of thinking this way?
You might think there is no benefit to you from thinking danger thoughts but remember at one point there was. These thoughts protected you… What were /are they protecting you from? What’s the benefit to thinking this way for you?
Now you can see the danger thoughts you can flip these thoughts around. If they were coming from the reward part of your brain what would that little voice be saying? How would it encourage you? What new and liberating and realistic thoughts would it be having? How would it help your business?
Write this new thought down. If your feeling creative, I highly recommend taking a wander over to Canva which if you haven’t used it is a fab free tool for designing a funky statement. (And super handy for business too.)
Do post a picture of your liberating reward thought below.
P.s Want some help flipping your thoughts? Why not book a complimentary clarity call?